For those of us who are fighting porn/sex/love addiction, here are some insights I have had today, and some limiting beliefs I have broken through:
Limiting Belief: Nothing will be a replacement for pornography as my coping mechanism when I am triggered. It is too powerful of a connection and nothing else will be as powerful.
New Belief: I choose what my triggers are attached to. I consciously and powerfully choose my reaction to each trigger until it becomes automatic:
I was pondering on this today, and realized that I haven't been able to replace pornography with a healthy coping method. I have been expecting that a connection will already be there, and when it isn't, I would get frustrated and believe that it just wasn't a strong enough replacement. Today, it hit me that the reaction to use porn has been unconsciously reinforced to two decades, and so seems overwhelmingly powerful, when it is simply reinforced. To make a healthy replacement take hold requires making a CONSCIOUS choice as to what it will be, and then choosing each and every time to react only that way. Example: Fear triggered the use of pornography to relieve the anxiety, numbing and disconnecting me from the situation. My new choice is that each time i feel fear, i respond with immediate courage and move forward through what i am fearful of, thus strengthening my connection to the situation and boosting my testosterone by accomplishing something. Soon, because it is now conscious, the new coping mechanism becomes the default.
Another one:
LB: There is an open invitation to enter my sacred sexual space.
NB: My wife has an exclusive invitation to share my sacred sexual space, which is reserved only for her and me.
This serves me as the man of the house who provides, presides, and protects. One of the most important areas for a man to provide for and protect is the safe sexual space between him and his wife and to keep it sacred, because in that space, lives are created, and some of the deepest connections can be made. i am learning to do this now in our own marriage, and I see the difference it is making.
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