I feel like a marionette being wrestled between two puppet masters
I'm writing my moral inventory right now. Step four of the Twelve step program.
As I am writing, as names and faces, situations and actions come and I write them down, the feelings come back with them. I reexperience the emotions, the chemical rushes, and even the memory of the physical sensations. I am working to release these memories so that they no longer have space in my mind and body, and as I do, my addicted programming wants to relive every moment and revel in the feelings, while my conscious decisions and choices label those feelings as bad and harmful ad fight against experiencing it at all.
I am spending as much time curled up and fighting not to be overcome as I am writing.
My brain does not see away out of this situation, and currently my spirit is kind of dragging and pushing brain in the direction I want to go. A lot of struggle going on.
As I am writing, as names and faces, situations and actions come and I write them down, the feelings come back with them. I reexperience the emotions, the chemical rushes, and even the memory of the physical sensations. I am working to release these memories so that they no longer have space in my mind and body, and as I do, my addicted programming wants to relive every moment and revel in the feelings, while my conscious decisions and choices label those feelings as bad and harmful ad fight against experiencing it at all.
I am spending as much time curled up and fighting not to be overcome as I am writing.
My brain does not see away out of this situation, and currently my spirit is kind of dragging and pushing brain in the direction I want to go. A lot of struggle going on.
Fortunately, I have tools and processes for releasing this energy and replacing it with new energy that heals and helps me move forward. I will be released from all the memories that currently cloud my perception and I will perceive more of love and light and peace.
Christ loves me and comforts me through this process.
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