LB: I have been in the dark and cold so long that righteousness hurts and burns and I am not able to stand it.
NB: I am strength. I am light. I acknowledge my nakedness and I am clothed in righteousness. I stand in Holy Fire and am strengthened and forged as I am made pure. I love the light and heat that gives me life, and I turn not away. I love my life and I receive more of it as I stand and am strengthened.
Studying Adam and Eve in Moses, and I came to this in my pondering
Moses 4:13,16
Adam and Eve, having received knowledge of good ad evil, realized they were naked before the Lord. The words in Moses are "had been naked". In this context, naked means being vulnerable, nothing hidden, nothing between me and my Savior to shield or protect me.In Exodus, "Naked" is translated to "riotous, let loose".
I hardly think that Adam and Eve were riotous. However, if their act of eating the fruit allowed them to be "let loose", that makes more sense. They had disobeyed a direct commandment and therefore were placed in a sinful state, and as Mormon taught, since they were "under a consciousness of [their] filthiness before Him", they were no longer comfortable in his presence (Mormon 9:4), which they had enjoyed before as they walked with Him daily. They had chosen shame in their moment of transgression.
I hardly think that Adam and Eve were riotous. However, if their act of eating the fruit allowed them to be "let loose", that makes more sense. They had disobeyed a direct commandment and therefore were placed in a sinful state, and as Mormon taught, since they were "under a consciousness of [their] filthiness before Him", they were no longer comfortable in his presence (Mormon 9:4), which they had enjoyed before as they walked with Him daily. They had chosen shame in their moment of transgression.
Coming to a consciousness of my own guilt and filthiness is why I have felt so uncomfortable and out of place at church, and at times with the missionaries. I am being brought to see my true nakedness before God, my true vulnerability and guiltiness, and like bare skin before a blazing fire it can hurt and blister and make me miserable, inviting me to do one of two things - run and hide, or cry out for help. Hiding is an attempt to cover myself with things of the world to protect me from the pain and discomfort (this is really a return to the cold and dark). The other option is to "cry mightily unto the Father in the name of Jesus" (Mormon 9:6) and confess and acknowledge my guilt and nakedness, asking to be "clothed with purity, yea, even with the robe of righteousness" so that I can abide the heat.
I have been walking a long time in cold and darkness. I imagine walking up to a bonfire on a cold late-autumn night. I am naked, and so already cold and craving the warmth. As I approach the blaze, the light reveals my nakedness and the intense heat hurts my already tender skin. I could turn back into the dark and cold to cover my nakedness and to "protect" my body from this new pain (because I am already in pain from the cold, and the warmth I naturally generate is not enough to compete with the elements).
Instead, i have chosen to cry out - "Hey! I'm naked, and I'm cold. I want to stay in the warmth and the light, and this fire hurts my skin. Will you please give me something to cover my nakedness?" At this point, the Savior appears with a white robe and drapes it over my shoulders, cinches the belt around my waist, and draws me closer to the fire. My vulnerability is covered in His righteousness, and the natural warmth inside me is harnessed while the robe allows me to draw closer to the holy Fire, absorbing the heat and holding it, warming me and bringing feeling back to my life.
In the past, I have tried to abide the fire of the gospel and of repentance without asking to be clothed to sustain it. Each time in the past, I would stay near the fire until it hurt too much, and then flee from the pain of healing, into the cold because it would initially feel better, only to lead to more cold and numbing. This time, I have stayed, despite the pain of exposure. I have let go of all the shame of being naked and vulnerable, and I am ready to be clothed in His righteousness so I can abide more of the purifying flame.
Because as I do, I am refined and prepared to become the most useful tool in my Heavenly Father's hands.
I have been walking a long time in cold and darkness. I imagine walking up to a bonfire on a cold late-autumn night. I am naked, and so already cold and craving the warmth. As I approach the blaze, the light reveals my nakedness and the intense heat hurts my already tender skin. I could turn back into the dark and cold to cover my nakedness and to "protect" my body from this new pain (because I am already in pain from the cold, and the warmth I naturally generate is not enough to compete with the elements).
Instead, i have chosen to cry out - "Hey! I'm naked, and I'm cold. I want to stay in the warmth and the light, and this fire hurts my skin. Will you please give me something to cover my nakedness?" At this point, the Savior appears with a white robe and drapes it over my shoulders, cinches the belt around my waist, and draws me closer to the fire. My vulnerability is covered in His righteousness, and the natural warmth inside me is harnessed while the robe allows me to draw closer to the holy Fire, absorbing the heat and holding it, warming me and bringing feeling back to my life.
In the past, I have tried to abide the fire of the gospel and of repentance without asking to be clothed to sustain it. Each time in the past, I would stay near the fire until it hurt too much, and then flee from the pain of healing, into the cold because it would initially feel better, only to lead to more cold and numbing. This time, I have stayed, despite the pain of exposure. I have let go of all the shame of being naked and vulnerable, and I am ready to be clothed in His righteousness so I can abide more of the purifying flame.
Because as I do, I am refined and prepared to become the most useful tool in my Heavenly Father's hands.
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